The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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