just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
