is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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