Im at strip club and am horny
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
