Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
