The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
