Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
