i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Even my vagina gasped.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
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