I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
