I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
