Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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