11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
