Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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