Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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