I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
