Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
