If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
