I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
