I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
