i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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