the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
