Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
