Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Randomize
