This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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