his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
