shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
