I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
