I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
