im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
try to milk me bitch
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