My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I am naked and annoyed.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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