Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
