the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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