around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
