In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
