too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
