so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
