turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize