i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
