Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
