They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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