Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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