just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
