I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
