He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
