Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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