Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
