I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
BRING THE BAGELS
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
