I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
