I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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