I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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