I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
But theres a keg here and me gusta
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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