thus making me awesome and them whores
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
