I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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