maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
