so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
