i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
