You can't motorboat a personality
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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