Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
