grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I want her autograph on my taint
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
