You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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