if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
