i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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