ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
