oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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