last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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