Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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