When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize