I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
