First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
