What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
