Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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