How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize