Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Green mimosas i think yes
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
