He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
