and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
meet me or not, i'm out of control
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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