spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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