Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
