$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Randomize
