Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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