I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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