Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
