i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Randomize