Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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