Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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