I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
