so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
