That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
