I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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