I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
