my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
