It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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