mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
