Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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