I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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