If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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