Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
