I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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