I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
