No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
