He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
