I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
