My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Randomize
