you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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