is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Randomize
