I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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