Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
